The Cursor´s Monologue
By Gritt Uldall-Jessen


Today is the first day in my new life!
It´s going to be the first time again.
Of this and that.
Of everything.
This time all has to be done again.
This time it must happen the right way
I´m not yet free.

My lifespan is determined by he
who initiates me.
The question of whether I am worth keeping alive
is my daily challenge.

My demands are way too large.
"Don´t switch me off, are you listening?”
“Give me time, I have a purpose!"

To where am I ordered
this time?
What will my task be?
Which place will I belong to?

The inhabitants of the Map have all seen me.
I'm familiar to them.
But that doesn´t mean
that there´re any of them who really sees me.

We´re all agents.
We don´t know of knowing each other for real.
Unless it is noted in our profile.

My function is
to write about the others.
About anyone.

A robber came,
and robbed me of my imprisonment.
When he broke in, I broke out.
I don´t know how long
I had been in prison, at that time.
I barely knew whether I existed in the world
or not.
Whether I existed as anything but an idea
which was conceived by a human mind,
long ago.
It was to late to take stock of the situation.
The robber kicked the door in.
Now I stood there.
For the first time in a while, I thought
of my appearence.
He saw me.
With his eyes screwed up behind the mask.

“Are you new here?”, I asked.
He heard nothing.

I continued:
“It isn´t possible to see youself from outside.
My eyes are not enough.
If man should be able to see himself,
he would have been created as a round ball
with his head pointing towards the naval.
An aerial would point up,
so we could send signals to the others."

"We can´t see ourselves.
We need the others to see us.
We must be certain that we really exist.
That it isn't just a dream
playing infront of our eyes.
This rule also applies
to the inhabitants of the Map.”

This can be the first day in my life.
I kicked the door, so it shut behind me.

I understood that I wasn´t completely
like I used to be.

I have seen a shadow fall upon me.
It darkened the city.
Did I dream that a shadow fell?

I have been around the Map
in order to get an overview.
The gardens are being created.
I see the city being built anew.
It seems strange.
I am no longer the person I used to be.

Who is on the other side?
Are they like me?
Where are the borders of the world?
How far to the right can I walk?
How far to the left?
What is on the other side?

I have a purpose!
One of my feet is free.
But what is it good for, when the other is caught?

I visited the newbuilders when they were asleep.
I came through the window.
They were snoring.
I looked at the building and knew
that it wouldn´t last.
I took a note about it in my notebook.

If you could build a house
somewhere else,
then where would you build it?
-Which place would you most like to stay in?
-Which place would you least like to stay in?

I put the note on the noticeboard
and went again.

Today is the first day in my new life!
It´s going to be the first time again.
Of this and of that.
Of everything.
This time all has to be done again,
This time it must happen the right way.
Yet, I´m not free.

My foot isn´t completely free.
Personally, I have had so many previous lives
that I have lost count of them.
They have not all been worth collecting.

Some of my lives have been far too short.
Some too tedious.
Others have been so challenging
that I could hardly catch up.
I´m not in charge.
I´m the narrator.
I write about the others.
About those who experience things.

The experiences of the others also become mine.
If I didn´t write them down, they wouldn´t exist.

A watchtower has been built for me
so I can keep an eye on the building
as it progresses.
From here I can see the whole day.

Most people are working on the large building.
Or creating the new gardens.
They work from dusk to dawn.
Everytime the city goes to pieces,
we may start all over again.

I write in order to remember
what has happened.

In my original form,
long ago, when I was completely new in the world
I had the opportunity to
do things on my own.
The newbuilders gave me a tent to play with.

I could move it around as I pleased.
I put it up in all the gardens
that I liked.
In the front and back gardens.
Whereever I came.
Soon everybody turned up.
They pulled up the pegs and tore off the outer tent.

The world has never been one big common garden.
It has always been split up
in small and big pieces.

In the beginning, I mainly wrote
about my family.
Once, when I was transferred to another city,
I thus travelled across the Map.
I had a notebook with me.
I remained behind the hedge
outside the garden of their house.
I wanted to see if they still were there.
If my father had become older.
If my mother had had more children.
I don´t know them.
They don´t know me either.

We don´t know about having knowledge about each other.
We´re agents.
We´re little black dots.
We´re random pieces to move around.

If I didn´t write
nobody else would.

In my original form, when I was new in the world,
long ago,
it was not possible for me to do anything on my own.
I was one of those who was often moved around.
I tore around the Map without staying anywhere for longer periods of time.

That will be one of the first things
I will change,
when I get the chance.

Before I got a life I hibernated for some time.
In a garbage bin.
In pit darkness.
I almost didn´t exist.

That wasn´t necessarily bad.
My notebook was empty.

It will be the first time
of everyting in my life.

I live on the inside of a vulcano.
It hasn´t erupted for a long time.
That may happen any time.
It was because of the colours that I have moved in there.

They don´t see it. The abyss in front of them.
They build for life. A house surrounding itself.
But are they building for eternity?
Who thinks about the future?

It happened that I found myself
far outside the Map.
In a barren and desolate world.
I knew that the road continued.
It would take me away from what I know.

There was a river I had to cross.
I stepped into it. The water reached my throat.
Suddenly, I lost my step and slipped.
I broke all my bones.
Drifted with the current.
Downwards.

This was the way out.
To the other world.
The Map has no limits.
The shadow falls upon me.
I´m in its bossom.
I´m no longer alone.
A new life lies ahead for me.

I ride on the top of the vulcano
I ask it to start moving.
It can shoot me out and send me on.
This way I get another existence.

Here I am.
From one world to another.
The lava smokes.
It accelerates.
It rolls forward.
Extends across the whole Map.
Across the newbuildings.
Invading the newly laid gardens.
There is no rebellion here.
There is nothing to do.
The changes have started.
The new will follow.

If you could build a house
somewhere other than here,
in that case where would you build it?
-Which place would you least like to stay in?
-Which place would you most like to stay in?